Monday, April 11, 2016

Friday, April 22, 2011

New Journal

How many times have you been looking for something in your house and happened upon a book, opened it and found it to be the start of an old journal or diary from years ago?
Maybe it has only a few scribbled pages covered with emotional rantings, or maybe the while thing is almost packed full of deep personal and spiritual pleadings and rage filled cries?

Mine would start with something like...

"Well 13 and Ive done it again...
 What the heck happened today?"
 I want to die..."

And the end would look like...

"Why doesn't he love me for who I am?
 Tomorrow I'm not eating at all...
 Please Lord forgive me for hating myself and my Mother!"

And so on and so on.....

The thing is that no matter how many books I find started or completed they are all the same. I am complaining about the exact same issues from pre-teen to adult. Just change a few names and add several more and "AWAY WE GO!!!"
What a sad reality.

What I have come to know now is that the sun truly truly DOES NOT rise and set out of my ass! Its NOT all about me, and I have been just as awful to others as they have to me. I am a selfish person by nature, and so are others. So I can decide to be different and forgive, be kind, self-less, and have freedom from bondage (being self-shit)....and stop writing pages and books on "woe is me!"

I trust in God today...but not just the name "God" that so many throw around like the word "sorry" and "love", but the one true God and his son ~ Jesus Christ ~ who saved us....ME.

My journal today looks like gratitude, really looking at what I may have done to harm someone else during the day, and what I intend to do differently to make it right tomorrow.

 ~ Thank God for God ~

Thursday, April 21, 2011


So hey...when I was in high school I dabbled with alcohol and a joint here and there, but nothing too heavy. Luckily that allowed my brain cells to transmit some signals back and forth which kept some information in my head for awhile. Long enough to pass the year end exams. I wasn't brave enough to join the computers class at the time because it seemed only the nerds and pimply people went there.

~ As if I was pimple free ~

So as my life went on, and my choices got a little less wise, I ingested more alcohol, more pot, and some more intense stupid stuff. Which in turn was obviously killing my already tender brain cells. as we all know what we don't use we lose right? Well I wasn't using my brain and I was abusing it too. So when I decided that I should educate myself and go to College it was difficult to put any facts together.
Somehow I managed...and became a nurse!!!

Its can laugh.

I was a good nurse though.My smarts became to come back as I shyed away from the drugs.Then I weakened and became so emotionally sick that I may as well have been using them because I had a melt down. totally lost my marbles. Gave up my licence. Took some time off to gather myself...which I did successfully. After a year or so I went back to school and struggles AGAIN to keep any knowledge in my brain because I hadn't used it for so long. And again I didn't take a computers course that was offered to me.

This time I was all trained to be a counsellor. Didn't see much need for computer skills. What I wasn't taking into consideration was the fact that i live in the year 2011 and everything is technology!

So here I am in April 2011, attempting to look for work and pulling my hair out because I cannot figure out how to save my resume as a proper document so when I email it to a prospective employer it doesn't look like a preschooler made it!

Moral of the story...don't do drugs...and take a computer course...and we all have pimples in high school.